Here ye, hear ye! The following is a message from your benevolent tyrant, Flexi:
Members of Von Tramp, it is with a heavy heart and a light purse that I must instate a temporary tax upon trails moving forward. After a lengthy discussion with the purser (also me), it has been made clear that the kennel can no longer be financially stable due to the rising costs of how much you all drink. And specifically in our non-beer offerings. Wheter this increase is due to the warmer weather we have all been experiencing or the fact that maybe you all are bored with the award-winning Pabst we provide, I cannot say.
To remain financially stable and continue to fill the my pockets with money, as of July 1st, Von Tramp will be instating the “Seltzer and Twea Act” and with it a tax to all upcoming trails, bringing the price of each trail to $16.69.
I can already hear the whining but fear not, with this additional income from the tax our kennel may soon be able to purchase exciting additions to trail like name-brand orange food and a new car for me. This is only a temporary measure until the increase in non-beer consumptions goes back to its winter levels.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them on the Twisted Tea Facebook page.
When: Saturday, July 5, 2025, 1:00 PM HST
Where: Near 2443 Tyler Branch Rd, Enosburg, VT
Hares: Salty Cumpiss
What to bring: $16.69 hash cash because of rising prices and over consumption of non-beer beverages, pro-Von Tramp paraphernalia, bikinis, towel, change of clothes ‘cause you’ll get wet
With that out of way, our favorite failed anarchist Salty has a wonderful trail cooked up for all you while Flexi and Dice are traveling out of state to enjoy some chili dogs in New Jersey. This trail will most definitely only feature the goodest of vibes and will be overflowing with a Pro-Von Tramp agenda. It’s going to be hot-hot-hot out there so expect to get wet. Trail start will start just off the road of Tyler Branch Road in Enosburg, just north of the illustrious Stoned Hill where you’ll end up after trail. Fireworks will also be provided by the town of Bakersfield. I’m not sure about chili dogs though.
It’s also National Bikini Day, so please enjoy a day filled with two-piece swimsuits, summer fun and body positivity. I would also like you remind you all that the bikini is named after the Bikini Atoll where atomic bomb tests were conducted. Not that I, your loving tyrant, would drop any random bombs on you. Except the above tax. Whoops.
Also, please join us on July 19th for another, great Pro-Von Tramp trail by Borscht and Dice which they have dubbed the “Vermont Twea Party” for some reason.
